Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
