I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
