If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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