I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
