I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize