1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
