dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
