Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
