all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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