A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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