i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
