I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
