I bet he comes in French.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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