i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
