4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
