in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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