Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she pinky promised me she was 18
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
