Apparently you make a good broom.
You can't motorboat a personality
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
