My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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