even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it glows. i had to have it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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