what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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