I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
