Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
