Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
