the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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