Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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