non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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