Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize