he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dicks are not precious.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
