We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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