we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
