God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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