Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
