dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
