hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
