yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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