I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
