Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize