my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Its about making memories worth repressing
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
