Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
