I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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