Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
