I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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