If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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