I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
