he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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