He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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