I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I supernannyed him into submission
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
