i'm signing you up for texting rehab
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
