I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
