Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
