oh god the rape fog is back!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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