Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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