Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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