my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize