He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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