haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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