If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
