I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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