I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
