You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
