Soap is not a condiment
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
