sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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