I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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