She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize