Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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