Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
jump out the window naked night went bad
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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