before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Boobs are out for the taking
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
