Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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