Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
